Wife, Protect Me! - Chapter 20 - Resolving the Crisis

Li Nuo’s gaze sharpened slightly.
The gift his wife had prepared was originally a pair of jade ruyi scepters, but now they had turned into two ordinary stones.
Someone had swapped their birthday tribute!
His first instinct was to glance at the maid who had just retreated. The young maid’s expression appeared normal—it probably wasn’t her. As a servant of the Song family, she wouldn’t dare to do such a thing anyway.
The immediate concern wasn’t who had replaced the gift.
At this moment, everyone’s eyes were fixed on them, waiting for the couple to step forward with their congratulations. If they actually presented these two stones, not only would they lose face, but disrupting the Old Madam’s birthday banquet would have even more severe consequences.
Song Jiaren had clearly realized this too. Her usually calm and composed beautiful face now showed traces of helplessness.
Li Nuo’s mind raced, searching for a way to overcome this predicament. With all eyes on them, there was no time to prepare another gift. Should he perform some talent instead?
But his skills were limited, and most were borrowed from others. He couldn’t very well perform hair styling or shuttlecock kicking for the Old Madam…
As a last resort, even fancy shuttlecock kicking might be acceptable. In that instant, he had already choreographed a full routine in his mind. Just as he turned to borrow Song Mu’er’s shuttlecock, his gaze swept past Song Qian’s scholarly husband, and a sudden inspiration struck him…
Just when Song Jiaren was at a loss, someone suddenly grasped her hand.
Li Nuo held Song Jiaren’s hand and walked up to the Old Madam. Smiling, he announced, “Jiaren and I would like to present a poem to the Old Madam. We wish you eternal spring like the daylily, longevity like the pine and crane…”
“A poem?”
The guests exchanged puzzled looks.
After all, the beautiful woman already held a gift in her hands, yet her foolish husband suddenly wanted to present a poem for no apparent reason. Nobody understood what was happening.
However, what surprised them more was that Chang’an’s most famous fool didn’t seem that foolish after all. He wasn’t drooling or giggling mindlessly. His speech was fluent, his pronunciation clear—he appeared no different from a normal person.
With his outstanding looks, if one ignored his mental capacity and just focused on his face, he actually made quite a matching pair with the Song family’s proud daughter.
“A poem?”
The Song family members were startled upon hearing this.
They knew perfectly well what their young mistress was capable of. While Jiaren possessed exceptional Martial Arts talent, she had never enjoyed studying since childhood and could barely recognize many characters—composing poetry was impossible. As for Li Nuo, his foolishness was famous throughout Chang’an. What kind of poem could these two possibly produce together?
In this particular aspect, they were indeed well-matched.
“Eternal spring like the daylily, longevity like the pine and crane…”—the couple wouldn’t be able to come up with such lines even given eight hundred years.
Could it be that Li Xuanjing had taught them?If that poem was composed by Li Xuanjing for them, then everything made sense.
At this moment, the Song family members were extremely anxious. It wasn’t that they distrusted Li Xuanjing, but rather they had no confidence in Li Nuo. Even if the poem was written by Li Xuanjing, their foolish son might not be able to recite it correctly.
The family had prepared for the matriarch’s sixtieth birthday celebration for a long time—nothing could go wrong.
Song Jiaren was also filled with uncertainty, but all she could do was stand quietly by Li Nuo’s side.
Li Nuo smiled at Old Madame Song and began reciting in a magnetic voice: “Planting blessings at the gate, five fortunes complete / Celebrating the feast with precious delights. / From now on, embracing spring breeze’s laughter / Becoming an immortal of longevity in the mortal world.”
As a humanities student with a personal interest, Li Nuo had some exposure to ancient poetry.
He could recite many classic masterpieces that had been passed down through generations.
However, birthday congratulatory poems were an extremely niche category, and Li Nuo only remembered one.
To be precise, only half of one.
The poem he recited should have had a few more lines between the first couplet and the last, but he couldn’t recall them. He could only patch together a quatrain. Li Nuo had even forgotten the poet’s name, vaguely remembering that the surname might have been Li.
He muttered to himself internally: We’re both from the Li family—help me out in this emergency…
When Li Nuo finished reciting, the Song family members finally breathed a sigh of relief.
Thank heavens, he hadn’t made any mistakes.
They didn’t fully understand whether the poem was truly excellent, but it sounded pleasant, especially the last couplet: “From now on, embracing spring breeze’s laughter / Becoming an immortal of longevity in the mortal world.” The imagery of “spring breeze” and “longevity,” combined with laughter and immortality—how auspicious…
It truly lived up to Li Xuanjing’s reputation. Even those who didn’t understand poetry could tell this was likely a fine poem.
Meanwhile, the Song family’s guests shared the same sentiment.
Particularly those knowledgeable about poetry immediately recognized the difference between this poem and the one recited by Song Qian’s husband.
The first couplet depicted the birthday banquet scene, while the latter conveyed blessings—clear in theme and structure. The closing lines were especially catchy, sincere, and heartfelt, likely to become famous verses passed down through generations…
Truly worthy of Li Xuanjing!
Someone couldn’t help but exclaim:
“Excellent poem, truly excellent!”
“‘From now on, embracing spring breeze’s laughter / Becoming an immortal of longevity in the mortal world’—without a doubt, these congratulatory lines will be celebrated for millennia to come…”
…

Although the Song family could tell the poem was good, they hadn’t expected such high praise from the Confucian scholars among the guests—to the extent of being remembered for thousands of years.
Human life spans mere decades, revolving around fame and fortune—who wouldn’t want to be remembered for millennia?
In that case, the most valuable gift at the matriarch’s birthday celebration turned out to be this poem?
Instantly, everyone’s gaze toward Li Nuo and Song Jiaren shifted slightly.
Li Nuo had no concerns about the poem’s quality.
Works that survived hundreds or thousands of years to be seen by a modern person like him had naturally stood the test of time.
Clearly, there were connoisseurs among the Song family’s guests.
With the crisis averted, Li Nuo silently thanked his Li family predecessor and was about to lead Song Jiaren away when someone nearby spoke up: “Are the two of you only giving Grandmother a poem as a gift?”
Li Nuo turned to look—the speaker was the woman named Song Qian.
She was the daughter of Song Jiaren’s second uncle, Song Lian, making her Song Jiaren’s cousin.
At these words, the expressions of the Song family members changed instantly. Song Lian even wished he could sew his daughter’s mouth shut.
For a fool to be able to recite a poem completely without disrupting the old madam’s birthday banquet was already something to be thankful for. Yet she had to jump out and make things difficult for him—was she trying to ruin the smooth proceedings of this celebration?
Old Madam Song chuckled lightly, coming to Li Nuo and Song Jiaren’s defense: “They are one family; one gift between them is enough. I truly like this poem. These pearls are for you—may your future be filled with harmony and mutual cherishing.”
Smiling, she took the pearls gifted by Song Jin and his wife from the box, placing one in Li Nuo’s hand and the other in Song Jiaren’s hand.
Seeing this, Song Lian breathed a sigh of relief.
It seemed the old madam genuinely appreciated their gift. Tonight, they were the first among the younger generation to receive her return present.
Witnessing her grandmother shielding Song Jiaren like this, Song Qian pouted and muttered under her breath, “They’re one family, but so are others. Why should they get special treatment…”
Song Qian felt deeply resentful.
Before Jiaren was born, she had been the treasured pearl of the Song residence.
Everyone had doted on and indulged her.
But after Jiaren’s birth, especially after she displayed astonishing talent in Martial Arts, wherever she went, she became the absolute center of attention.
Whenever people mentioned the young ladies of the Song family, only Song Jiaren came to mind—no one remembered Song Qian.
Thus, she had disliked this cousin since childhood.
The only consolation was that she had married well, while Song Jiaren had ended up with a fool. Only when she thought of this did she feel somewhat better.
But tonight, seeing Song Jiaren and her husband stealing the spotlight at their grandmother’s birthday banquet, Song Qian’s bitterness resurfaced, and she couldn’t resist muttering a complaint.
Though Song Qian’s voice was soft, those nearby still heard her.
The atmosphere in the banquet hall grew awkward.
Song Lian’s face turned ashen, but in such a public setting, he couldn’t scold his daughter without further souring the celebratory mood.
Just as the awkward tension began to spread, Li Nuo cleared his throat and said, “Actually, the poem just now was composed by Jiaren. I have another poem to present to the old madam…”
The Song family members glanced at Song Jiaren, disbelieving the first part of Li Nuo’s statement.
The idea of Jiaren composing poetry was as unlikely as the sun rising from the west.
Could it be that Li Xuanjing had anticipated this situation and prepared two poems in advance?

…
Strictly speaking, Li Nuo knew two birthday poems by heart.
This second one was even more famous than the first, but it was somewhat unconventional—carrying the risk of giving the old madam a stroke from anger—so Li Nuo had initially ruled it out. Now, forced into a corner, he had no choice but to present it.
Old Madam Song looked at Li Nuo kindly and said, “Then this old woman would like to hear it…”
Li Nuo grinned and declared, “Old Madam Song is not human…”
The old madam’s smile froze on her face, the guests in the hall stared in shock, and the Song family members turned pale with horror.
Damn it! The old madam’s birthday banquet had finally been ruined by this fool!
Song Lian seethed with anger, blaming his daughter entirely—why did she have to make that unnecessary remark!
Before the Song family could react, Li Nuo pointed at the “Queen Mother of the West Birthday Celebration” painting hanging on the wall and continued, “…but an immortal from the Jasper Pool descended to the mortal realm.”
Old Madam Song was taken aback for a moment, then her face broke into a radiant smile.The Queen Mother of the West is the leader of female immortals—an immortal, not a human. This statement was certainly not an insult but a compliment that struck right at the heart of her beliefs.
The Song family members also breathed a sigh of relief. Who would have thought this fool could flatter so skillfully? The Old Madam revered the Queen Mother of the West above all, and this flattery hit the mark perfectly.
However, before they could fully relax, Li Nuo pointed at Song Yu in the crowd and declared, “Every descendant is a thief.”
Song Yu froze momentarily before fury flashed across his face. This damned fool had just called him a dog, and now he was being labeled a thief—unbearable! He immediately stepped forward, intending to drag Li Nuo away first. Who would dare shield a fool causing chaos at the Old Madam’s birthday banquet?
Li Nuo then pointed at the longevity peaches Song Yu had just presented and added, “Who stole the peaches of immortality to offer to his dearest kin.”
As Song Yu stormed over to him with large strides, Li Nuo wore a puzzled expression.
The gazes of everyone else turned toward Song Yu.
In an instant, the anger on Song Yu’s face melted away like ice and snow, replaced by a concerned demeanor. He reached out to adjust Li Nuo’s collar and turned to Song Jiaren, saying, “Jiaren, how could you be so careless? Your husband’s collar is crooked, and you didn’t even help him straighten it…”